Being a mother, my mind works so differently especially when it comes to my kid. Each step that I make, I have few different scenarios that play on my mind in just a few seconds before I make a decision. This is really crucial especially when handling a toddler with tantrums (or on the verge of showing his tantrum). And with this ‘ability’, a ‘curse’ comes with it. I expect others to think like me when handling Ayden.

At first I thought it was just common sense for them to think up all of the scenarios before acting on it until a close Aunt of mine told me this “Give them proper instructions and do not expect them to know every detail like you do. You might think they should know, but they really don’t”. That got me thinking about how many times I was disappointed with so many adults for not thinking first. To me it is just common sense. But to these people, they can’t think like me because the person they are handling is not their children.

I will try to improve on this but it ain’t easy especially when I am lack of time ‘educating’ others. But at least now if I get upset about something they did, I will feel guilty about it. For those who are wondering what I am talking about, here is an example:-

My dad was carrying Ayden. Ayden wants to go towards the kitchen which has already been barricaded with his safety gate (only we can open it for him). As it was already time to go to school and we have already let DJ in from the backyard, we do not want Ayden to get distracted in the kitchen area. So my dad tried to distract him with other stuff. AK opened the safety gate for DJ to roam while we get our office bags and car keys. My dad suddenly puts him down so that he can pass me an empty cup. And of course, my dear toddler will run towards the gate which was already opened. Story short, I was irritated. To me, it is like this…”Why the hell did you put down the kid who wanted to go the other side when you should be well aware the gate was opened and he would run towards it once he gets the opportunity?? Isn’t it obvious????”. After that, I thought it through…he might have thought that AK would have carried him or he did not notice the gate was open or…..well, you get the idea.

So, in conclusion, I should not expect others who are just helping me out to do exactly what I expect them to do. I have to have a lower expectation on them and remind myself they are there voluntarily to help me out and I should always try to ‘educate’ them by explaining how I like things to be. I should not also get mad when it does not go my way because I know deep down, they do not mean it.

Phew. Being a mum, a wife, a daughter & a daughter in law is pretty difficult. I think the easiest so far is becoming a sister because I have great understanding siblings : )

Two days ago, I had a very terrible headache since afternoon and it got worse towards evening. It was at a stage that if I went up one more level, it would make me feel nauseous. Hence, I was dreading a little on handling Ayden that day because of all days, it is a day when AK is not around and I had to handle him alone for the rest of the day until he sleeps. Although it is just a few hours but if you are a parent of a very young toddler, you will know that a few hours sometimes can feel like a whole day has passed.

Anyway, I did remind myself to stay calm or else my headache would get worse. During his play time when he asked me to do certain stuff which I knew I cannot do with my head hurting that way, I replied “I am sorry Ayden. Mummy head hurts. Pain. Why don’t you play with your car instead?”. Everything seems fine until it was time to change him after bath. He refused to put his diaper on, refused to put his pajamas on and kept running away. I lost it at one moment and said loudly “STOP IT!!!” and then tried to put his pants on. So he started crying and it got to a point when he just cried and would not move (this means he is very very upset emotionally). During the process of dressing him up while he was crying, I already started feeling guilty that I had to resort to force and shouting. But I knew I had to continue dressing him up before I settle the situation with him because my pain in my head would definitely burst if he continues to refuse on dressing up eventhough I had tried settling with him.

So, I did it as quickly as I can and sat him up. Then I apologized and told him my head hurts and that I was wrong to have shouted at him. I got up to put some stuff back into the cupboard but was stopped by him because he wanted a hug and for me to carry him. Normally when he is not as upset as this moment, he would have used his hands to hit me. But he did not. So I carried him and tried to pacify him and said I was sorry again. After awhile, he was alright.

Then it was time to go into his room for bedtime story and his sleep. Once we entered his room, he went straight for the mattress next to his baby cot and lie there. So, I joined him on the mattress and laid down facing him. He was smiling and I felt love. I smiled back and touch his head lightly and said “Mummy is really sorry about what happened earlier. Mummy had a bad head pain (showing him my head hurts with my hand)….”. Then he placed his hands on my head and said “sayanggggg….”. I was happy. Then I continued saying “Thank you Ayden. But mummy should not have shouted at you or used force on you. Mummy was wrong and mummy is sorry. Mummy promise to control better and try my best not to shout or use force on you next time, OK?”. He just smiled. Then I showed him my little finger and said “Pinky promise?” and guide him how to do a pinky promise. He liked it and wanted to do it 3 more times by saying “Pink---ky Por-mis”.

Although I know he does not quite understand the concept of forgiving yet, but I really felt like I had a magic moment with him then that made me feel better and that I was not a bad mother for him afterall because he accepted me back willingly and happily

Everyone knows how challenging it is raising a child. From my previous posts about parenting, you should be able to tell on which type of parenting I am trying to adopt – Positive Parenting. This by itself is a huge challenge for me as I will need to actually change myself to discipline my child. So how when it comes to telling other people they should “change” too when handling my child?

I have been trying my best to tell those close to my child on how they can help me by explaining to them the methods I use in raising my child. On how I do not use salt in his food (so that when they help me prepare food for him, they will know what to do), on how I allow him to try to close those screw type caps on bottles/ tubes until he asks for my help, on how I allow him to try to feed himself while I feed him eventhough it means it will be a mess and loads more.

But what if I needed them to change their internal habits? How do I tell them? My latest problem I am having will be arguing in front of Ayden. Of course it is normal for couples to argue. I myself have a bunch of arguments with my husband but since we had Ayden, we try our best not to argue in front of him. Arguments will be done in closed doors. But lately I have encountered this couple who argues so loudly in front of Ayden. Here we are trying to teach him to deal with his problems without yelling or hitting people, and here he sees an example which show the other way around. I would not blame him if he were to think “Hey, these adults solve their problem by screaming at each other. Why can’t I?”

I am still scratching my head on how to deliver my message to this couple nicely. Yikes, being a mother is MORE than tough when you are dealing with other people.

It really isn’t easy to stick to my decision on how I want to raise Ayden. From the food he eats to the way we deal with his tantrum. This also includes things like bedtime schedule, TV time, having outside food, etc.

As you can guess from my many posts before this, I am trying to instil positive parenting with Ayden and those who went through it or going through it now knows it isn't a smooth ride. All that I do now isn't something that I plucked out from the sky. It is through some research done and I feel it is the right way of parenting.

Instead of letting Ayden have lots of TV time or handphone/ipad games time, I decided it is better for him to have limited time on TV and more time playing with us and make sure he have his activities out of our home. I prefer if he have more outdoor activities during the weekend where he can learn to enjoy the nature while instilling the idea of exercising outside and not just being cooped up at home with his computer games or PS games etc when he grows up.

Instead of letting Ayden have any kind of food available outside including fast food, I decided that I should limit his salt intake and hence even when we have our meals outside, you will definitely see me washing off the food with water before giving it to him. Fast food is definitely a No-No and as a parent I am also cutting that down. On top of that, I insist on him learning to sit down while having his meals.

Instead of hitting Ayden or threatening to hit him when he shows his tantrums, I try to use the positive parenting method and make him feel that it is not the end of the world when something do not go his way. That feeling angry and sad and disappointed is normal and even adults goes through it. I would say this is the toughest as my temper isn’t that good either.

Then something dawn me while I find some of the parenting I take up is really tough. IF everyone close to Ayden feels the same way as me, my life would be much easier. But this isn't the case. I have lost count the number of times I have closed an eye on things people surrounding him does to make life easier for them in helping me care for Ayden. I can always be a mother who takes charge of everything and even disallow others to help me. But deep down inside I know I need their help for me to stay sane. All I can hope is that these people will eventually understand my choices and try to follow it through even though they find it hard..because this is all for Ayden's future

Everyone knows parenting is not an easy task. Some say that is why you have both mother and a father to share these task and make things easier while bringing up a child way into his adulthood. But what if both parent have a different idea on how to bring up their child.

I noticed in the Asian country, normally one parent makes most of the decision while the other just execute it. Lots of family also have one acting as the "bad cop" and the other as a "good cop". Well, nowadays it is different and more and more parents are going for the method which both agrees on, whether on how we want to bring up our children or how we want to discipline them.

There are so many decisions that need to be made. From small issues like what food to provide, bedtime, bath time, nap time, type of clohes to wear on rainy day or a hot day to the bigger issues such as to vaccinate or not to vaccinate, to use spanking in disciplining or not, to use time-out, to take medication or go for the natural way, which school to go to and many many more. This would not stop until they reach adulthood.

So, what if one parent have a different idea on any of the issues above? Both parents wants the best for their child, this I agree. But it is an heartache to execute a method for an issue when the other parent doesn't show a full support. It does not help when the other seems to agree with the method but have major doubts about it. What if a parent decides to stick to that method and something goes wrong? Does the other one gets the blame for making that decision?

I have respect for those parents who sticks to their decision TOGETHER and make the necessary decision to change if needed.

Perhaps we should all just go back to the olden days where a decision is made just by one person. I feel it ain't right and yet it does seem like an easier way out.

Like I said, parenting ain't easy but it will be made easier when both parents stands hand in hand together. I guess both parent have to find an equilibrium which is comfortable for the both of them. It is just like a relationship. Two different individuals getting together and living together cannot be succesful if both do not find that equilibrium. In parenting, it would be two different individuals trying to raise another being. Now, that got to be tough, ain't it?